ThankFall

In the Midwest, fall is marked my cooling temperatures, changing leaves and opening cider mills.  Fresh doughnuts and cider are like cocaine, I swear.  I didn’t think it got any better than that, until this year.

Our local zoo sponsors a Fall Fest– you know, the typical pumpkin painting, arts and crafts, and hay ride shenanigans that make Fall super fun.  This was the first year that I took D, as I absolutely despise taking her to the Zoo alone.  So ND and I loaded her into the car and listened for 30 minutes as she begged to paint a pumpkin.  Then we made a beaded bracelet, jumped in a bounce house, rode the hayride, danced to the band and, yes, painted another pumpkin.  D was absolutely delighted, and smiles were plastered on all of our faces.  We didn’t think it could get any better until we asked her if she wanted to go to the magic show.  I thought she’d last ten minutes, but I was mistaken.  Not only did she sit still for the entire show, she volunteered to help the magician with a trick.  As ND and I both brandished our cell phones, she announced her name into the microphone and followed the magician’s directions, with her chest puffed out and a huge grin on her face.  I’m not sure which of us was proudest, but I do know that I wanted to freeze that moment.  The moment where we got to enjoy a family activity as a family.  It was magical.  I am so incredibly thankful that my life has come to this point…and I don’t ever want to take it for granted.

This week we were able to capitalize on that momentum when we attended parent teacher conferences.  Yes, D is not yet three but based on her performance as a magician’s assistant, we couldn’t wait to see what she was doing at school everyday!  And we were not disappointed– the school’s diagnostics confirmed that we are, in fact, parents of a bonafide toddler genius.  Which we knew.  We were still curious about how she interacted with her peers and her teachers, of course, and it was really invigorating to get the undivided attention of the staff to discuss her progress.  We were, once again, prouder than proud.

Speaking of conferences…I am still negotiating when to consult ND and/or DB about D’s needs.  Signing up for conferences marked the first decision that I made without fretting over who to ask first, when to inform the other and how to manage the egos of all those involved.  I simply wrote my name in the first available slot.  ND agreed to come, of course, and I waited to see if DB would inquire.  The sign up sheet was publicly displayed at the school, but the only available day was during DB’s parenting time.  He’ll figure it out if he wants to, I told myself.  It’s not your job to keep holding his hand.

So when ND and I showed up to conferences, DB was just gathering D’s things.  I thought maybe he was staying  through to attend, so we headed toward the room.  But as I saw through the window that he was putting her jacket on, I realized that he intended to leave.  So before either of them caught sight of us, ND and I literally scurried away and hid around the corner.  And instantly my hands started shake and I wondered if we were doing the right thing.  Were we being disrespectful or deceitful?  Childish or petty?  Of course I wanted to attend the conference alone, to have that feeling of being an intact family unit.  But I wasn’t going to go out of my way to manipulate the situation to that outcome.  I wasn’t taking away DB’s opportunity or right to be there, but I wasn’t enabling the situation either.

Ultimately, we knew that if D caught sight of us she would want to go home with us.  Just last weekend when DB arrived to pick her up, she slammed the door in his face…three times.  So our hiding, though it appeared manipulative and shameful, was really an effort to protect D from distress, DB from shame, and all of us from unnecessary awkward tension.  Yet it’s quite possible it didn’t appear that way.  Ah, the saga continues…

 

During this beautiful fall season, D has asked repeatedly why the leaves are falling off the trees.  I keep telling her it is because they need to make room for the snow…because in winter it is snow’s turn to rest on trees.  I can’t help but see, even though fall and winter are notoriously signs of death and endings, how much this fall has truly marked a beginning for me and my budding family.  It’s time to take a new turn.

I am so immensely thankful for this day, this year, this life.    Best wishes to all of you.  May you be equally thankful for your family, no matter what it’s size and shape.